Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Six months. It's gone by in a flash. Suddenly, as we wake up this morning, I have to accept the fact that you have been here for half of a year. Six months of stealing my heart with every smile, every sloppy kiss, every hair pull and every wiggle and giggle. One night last week, as I held you and rocked you to sleep, I started into your perfect little face and couldn't believe how big you've gotten. It hits me in random moments, the realization that you're not the newborn you were just a few months ago. The realization that soon, you'll be toddling around, learning words and probably learning to drive and going off to college... seriously, it feels like it's going that fast.
Monday, March 27, 2017
I was especially grateful for these things last month. We lost my Grandma, who lived in Colorado. She never had the chance to meet Jaxon in person. But thanks to smart phones and social media, she still got to watch him grow up for the first months of his life. That is something that I will forever be thankful for. I'm sure I have friends on my Facebook and Instagram feeds who are thinking "we get it, you have a baby. Who cares?". But I will never apologize for sharing as often as I do. Because friends and family who don't get to watch my son grow up, who live too far away to be there for these moments - they care.
But with all of the good parts of technology, there's a definite downside to having everything you could possibly want right there in your hand. It's incredibly addictive and easy to get sucked into. I'm absolutely guilty of picking up my phone and scrolling through Facebook or Instagram or Pinterest without even thinking about it. Or I go to check the weather or my email and 30 minutes later, I realize that I forgot to do the thing I picked my phone up for in the first place. It's all too easy to do. I've always tried to put the phone in my pocket or purse when in a social setting... but there are plenty of occasions when I've been with a group of people and every single person is on their phones. And it makes me sad.
But nothing has forced me to pay attention to how often my phone is in my hand the way that having a child has. It's something I have been majorly focusing on lately - making sure that I am staying present in the moment. If I'm playing with Jaxon, my phone only comes out if I am taking a picture or video and then immediately gets put back down. Because these moments are fleeting. My boy is growing faster than I ever anticipated. I want to commit every little thing that I can to memory before he changes again. The facial expressions, the sounds, the movements - they all change so quickly. The things he did a few weeks ago are gone and replaced by something else now. I don't want to look back on this time and struggle to remember the look on his face when he is struggling to do something that next week, he will do without effort. The sounds he makes when he's excited and seeing something for the first time. I want to savor them all.
I also don't want HIS memories of me to always be of me with my phone in my hand. He may not remember these days, but breaking the habit now will ensure that when he starts making real memories, I won't have to try to break it then. And honestly, I don't want him to think that all entertainment comes from a phone or tablet either. I want him to explore the world around him. I want him to go outside and play and get dirty. TV, movies and video games are great and fun, but I don't want that to be all that he enjoys. There's so much to see and do in the world and I want him to discover it all! And that starts now, with what he sees the people around him doing.
So this is my promise - to myself and, more importantly, to my son. I can't promise that I'll never pick up my phone and check something or start to mindlessly scroll through. But I promise to do my absolutely best to be conscious about it. To spend more time playing and laughing and exploring with my little one than I do looking at a screen. I promise to lead by example. I promise to do all that I can to give us both memories of fun and adventure in the real world, not just in a game or television show. I promise to do my best.
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
I missed writing you a letter when you turned four months old. With the chaos of trying to get down our new routine of mommy going to work along with the normal craziness that comes with having a four month old, the time just got away from me. There are photos, of course, and a Facebook post updating friends and family on your growth. But no letter.
There has never been anything or anyone in this world that I love more than I love you. You are the very best little boy in the world and I love you with all of my heart. As much as I wish time could slow down, keep growing and exploring and learning my little bug.
Love you for always,
Friday, December 30, 2016
*this was supposed to be posted on Thursday the 29th - what can I say? Babies and plans don't always go together*
Today, my son, you are three months old. That's 1/4 of a year and far more time than it feels has actually passed. Where did this time go? Next week, mommy goes back to work and I'm still feeling very mixed emotions about that. I'm certainly excited to see the kids at school again and to tell them all about you, and my days are very short. And your grandparents are very excited to get to watch you. But I also haven't spent so much time away from you and I'm going to miss you, even if only for a few hours.
This past weekend, we celebrated your very first Christmas. While you're too young to understand any of it, you were amazed watching us open your gifts. Your favorites were a little giraffe blanket and a Rudolph rattle. They've been by your side ever since. Next year, we'll get to see you really begin to absorb the magic that is happening around you and I look forward to watching you discover all of it. But just getting to wake up on Christmas morning and see your big smile made it my best Christmas ever.
Yesterday, little man, was a big day for new accomplishments. Suddenly, you tried to roll over while on your play mat. Then you eventually spun yourself around so your head was on the opposite side from where you started. And if those weren't enough, when I put you on your tummy, you pushed up and held yourself there. Mommy was amazed and excited and sad all at once. You're growing so quickly!
As for everything else - you're still a great sleeper, although you've had some shorter nights recently... most likely due to your rapid growing. You're eating 6 ounce bottles every 3-4 hours. And that voice! This week, you've really learned to control that voice of yours and you love "talking" as loud as you possibly can! You've outgrown your 3 month clothes and are officially in 6 months. We don't go to the doctor to get you weighed and measured until next month, but after weighing myself and then doing so again while holding you, I'd say you're just under 15 pounds. You are growing way too fast!
You still prefer playing with mommy, daddy and Izzy or any of your other family members over toys, but you've definitely started to notice toys more - especially those Christmas gifts I mentioned and the toys over your play mat. You love when mommy sings to you and you're starting to like story time. You still love bath time and snuggles and are a very good baby.
More than anything, I continue to love you more each and every day. Each morning that I get to wake up and be your mommy is the very best day.
I love you to the moon and back,
Monday, December 19, 2016
If you had asked me this 15 years ago, I'd have handed you a list two pages long that was filled with toys and CD's and movies and books. 10 years ago and my list would have been smaller - mostly filled with gift cards so that I could have the gift of shopping. Even 5 years ago, I could have at least rattled off a few books, a perfume or something else small that I wanted.
But today? Today, as I look around the room that I'm sitting in, I can't imagine wanting for anything. The man that I've always dreamed about marrying and spending a life with is asleep on the couch next to me after a long day of working hard to provide for his family. The little boy that I have always wanted, that I prayed for and wished for, is sleeping in his bouncer, making soft little sleepy noises every few minutes that make my heart feel like it could burst. The dog that I always wished that I could have and never knew how much I would love is asleep under the Christmas tree, not far from that little boy that she adores and protects at all times.
My entire world, everything I've ever wanted and needed, is right here in front of me, safe and sleeping peacefully while I watch over them, thanking God that they are here and that they are mine. Nothing that can be wrapped up in a box or bag could possibly compare.
This life, my life, is all that I want for Christmas.